Wave after wave

Grief comes in many different forms and pertains to various aspects of life. The most common aspect of grief is when a loved one passes. But grief can also mean the loss of how things once were, a relationship or even who you used to be. Life changes when something or someone transitions from this life.

Unfortunately this nation has experienced grief left and right. We’ve either lost loved ones to this devastating virus that continues to make its way, weaving in and out of our families and friendships, our businesses, homes and even jobs. Some have lost a sense of hope for the future and we’ve even lost a sense of who we are personally because so much has changed around us. 

We have become so consumed with uncertainty and anxiousness that living in the moment has become difficult. 

Over the past 2 ½ months I have felt like the poster child of grief, uncertainty and worry. My father passed in September and I felt like a child. I’m a 36 year old woman with children of her own, but in that moment and various moments since, I have felt like an elementary school child who has eternally lost their parent in a store. Do you remember that feeling? For however many seconds or minutes that you couldn’t find your mom or dad, you began to spiral. But as soon as you spotted them or they spotted you, a huge sigh of relief and calm flooded your nerves and senses. 

You felt safe again.

You felt at home even if you were in a different location. 

That’s what grief has felt like for me. 

Grief is definitely like an ocean. The moments come in waves and some hit harder than the one before. But then you have those moments of still and calm. Those moments where you can reflect, meditate, breathe and just listen for that voice to reassure you that things will get better. And after a while you’ll be able to surf those waves and actually enjoy them. 

I’m not saying you’ll enjoy the grief because in all honesty I’m not enjoying it at all but in a moment I had recently, I had a sense of hope, in the middle of my grief. 

I rode my first wave. 

Everything is a learning process so I know I’ll ride some waves with ease and some will knock me off my board but I’ll get back up. I have to. 

I have to because I want to heal. 

I am healing. It doesn’t feel like it a lot of days because the waves feel like they are crashing around me but I’ve ridden some.

I know I’ll ride more as time goes on, but for right now, I’m just a beginner who keeps getting back on her board. 

“It’s hard to turn the page when you know someone won’t be in the next chapter, but the story must go on.”- Author unknown

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