Birthday Behavior

lighted candles on cupcakes

 

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” -Mark Twain

I’m the type of person who sits and reflects all the time. My mom said when I was a kid she always used to catch me pondering or zoning out. She would say she actually liked watching me, sitting with myself, thinking. She knew that so much was going on in my brain and she didn’t want to interrupt my thought process.

I’m always thinking. Always wondering. And always reflecting.

And every year around my birthday (April 28, Happy Belated to me) I reflect harder about where I am currently and how far I’ve come. And every year I realize that I’ve made progress.

Last year I had my moments where I felt stuck. I felt like the situations that were apart of my life were permanent. I felt like I wouldn’t progress to the next level or phase in my life.

I was in a rut.

I had to realize that being  in a rut, no matter what age or what phase you’re conquering at the moment, is normal. It’s healthy. It’s progression. Being in that rut actually pushed me to get out of it. I didn’t like the feeling of not knowing, not being sure of what was in front of me. It was like I was saying to myself “the suspense is killing me.” However, in turn, I had to rewire my brain to actually be excited about not knowing. I had to psych myself into knowing that, not knowing was exciting. It didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of prayer, pep talks, surrounding myself with positive people and forcing myself to look on the bright side. It’s still a work in progress.

But that’s the joy of works in progress. Progress will happen. And the work needs to be done in order for that to happen.

I reflected on my birthday. I thought about life on my birthday. And sent thanks on my birthday. I looked over my life so far like a movie reel. I laughed, cried, shuddered and got mad at some parts. I do this every year, but more so this birthday because of my mind set. I’m in my mid-30s now and I’m more aware of the energies that surround me, as well as, not being ashamed of my thought process. I’m beginning to thank myself for my strength. And thank myself for my weaknesses.

I’m beginning to embrace and find my purpose.

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