Every year on December 31, at 11:59 (or around that time), over the past 5 years or so, I would always say a prayer containing the words, “please let this be my year.”
And then I would turn on New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and count down with the rest of the world. And I always got a good feeling in my soul that the new year would be better than the previous year.
Has it always been the case? Looking back, yes. But during those years, sometimes no.
During those particular years ago, I was always looking for something “big” to happen in my life, for instance, a new job with more money, my own place, a wonderful new relationship, a new car, and so on and so forth. I wanted ALL of those things at once.
I wanted everything to happen when I wanted them to happen. Not realizing that I was actually working little by little towards each of those goals.
For so many years, I felt like everyone was moving forward towards their goals and accomplishments and I was stuck where I was. Most times I blamed everything else around me and didn’t always look in the mirror at myself.
Were some things out of my control? yes, absolutely. But I wasn’t doing a very good job at dealing with my frustrations. So I stayed stuck. I wasn’t doing a good job at taking leaps of faith. I’ll admit, I doubted myself way too many times when it came to making positive changes in my life.
Logically, I knew that opportunities weren’t going to fall in my lap but that little voice in my head always came through with a vengeance.
Sometimes you can’t listen to that little voice.
So on December 31, 2017, I said a different prayer. I prayed for strength to help me deal with frustrations. I prayed for confidence to pursue my goals and dreams. I prayed for a more open mind and heart because this world can be so cruel. And I prayed (my every year prayer) that I can be a better mother and person than the year before.
Now did some of those goals happen? yes. But not all at once. And I’m starting to be okay with that. The journey in itself, with all the ups and downs, is the reward.